diana cowgill

I’ve decided that I need me some hobbies. Something to do on days off, and to brag about at cocktail parties. They can’t be sports, because I’m awful at all of them. And they can’t be dweeby, passive hobbies, because I do those things too much on my own anyway. I need some hobbies that make me feel like a young, robust person. Like someone with an innate sense of rhythm, who knows how to do a smokey eye, drive stick, drink bourbon. I need a hobby to make myself a little bit cooler in my own eyes, which becoming proficient at any of these would certainly do.

My first hobby option is to become a treasure hunter. My father has a metal detector. My brothers and I got it for him several years ago, and he hates it. He hates it so much that he doesn’t even pretend not to hate it. I’ve asked him to go on detecting dates, and he’ll tell me the truth of why he won’t. THE TRUTH! He’s eaten Mexican food. He’s taking a nap. He’s watching Khloe and Lamar. Youch. And whatever. He’ll never want to detect, so I could just mosey over and take that present for myself.

Properly armed, I could go to some beautiful place, stare at the ground, walk like a zombie, and I would be – officially- partaking in my great new hobby! I can’t fathom what a person could find around here; it’s not like I’m on top of Jamestown or whatever. But I’m an easily excitable person, and you never forget your first spoon. So we’ll see.

My second hobby option is to shoot things. One of my dearest friends has discovered shotguns and the desert. He goes out there and blows the heads off of cacti and bottles and light bulbs, and I’ve never been, and I want to go. Many of my favorite movies show high strung yuppy women shooting guns, and it’s this insanely empowering release for them. I’m something of a high strung yuppy, so I figure, why not?

I’ve also toyed with the ideas of fly fishing, driving a semi, becoming an actress, pool sharking, learning to cook the cuisines of India, getting married, tanning, competetive eating, and dog walking.

WE. SHALL. SEE.