diana cowgill

I really enjoy writing when I’m stuck somewhere. Last week by the soup, and now here I am with this guy,

flying over some of miserable southern states. We’re stuck in this tin can because we’re coming back to LA from a wonderful trip to Washington DC and Maryland.

The adventures we had were just delightful. I saw some of my favorite people. People whose very existence I’d start to doubt after not seeing them for half a decade. We all got in some scrapes and I realized more than ever that I’ve found The Guy. Kyle plays with me. We make mischief together and dance like freaks and have a lot of fun going where the wind takes us. We will get old together.

But that’s not what this is about! I decided to write this blog because I learned some really important things while out of town. First is how much better it is to be not very young anymore. We’re all more comfortable in who we are as people.

I’m not comfortable in where I am in life… I’m poor and I only have one cat. She’s a real cat’s cat: hateful, and arbitrary, so she’s a good cat and I certainly love her. But she’s not part of a herd. I’m not the wildly successful writer I hoped to be by this point, with ample acreage for numerous beasties, and that’s a bummer.

But, realities of poverty aside, I’m quite comfortable with the Ol’ Conburger as a whole. I’m less worried about a lot of frivolous things. Less worried that people notice when and how (and how often) I mess things up. We’re all self absorbed, so unless another person does something spectacular, we’re not going to see. And if we don’t see, we don’t judge. We’re more anonymous than we think we are, which I take comfort in. I can do what I want, and nobody sees or cares. And if they do see or do care, they’re either monitoring, waiting for me to mess up and there’s nothing I can do to change their mind about me, or they think I’m interested and like me enough to forgive me when I inevitably bumble. Either way, I’m not losing any sleep. Being with old friends, remembering what life was like in college and how much more nervous life was, I’m even more appreciative of my advanced age.

I also decided on this trip that travel needs to be a priority. I’m lucky in that I don’t need a lot. If the basics are covered, I am fine. I have food, I have socks, and I have the most excellent companion. So I’m not going around salivating over material goods. I’m a lousy dresser because I don’t know any better, so I’m not lusting after (you need to read this next bit in the voice of a forgettable also ran from an embarrassing competitive dating show) this season’s hottest fashions and accessories. My car works and I’m reasonably healthy. So the pursuit of money could and should be inspired by taking care of the essentials, and in sating the (no longer latent) wanderlust. This is a beautiful country! I hadn’t been out of LA for far too long, and this trip reminded me of how much I want and need to see different places. The air in DC feels different and the place feels significant. Plus there are a lot of people I love strewed about, and I miss them and have to make seeing them a top priority.

A final thought I had, and we’re now over Texas, BTW, is that I have a real knack for writing strongly worded letters. I’m not surprised, as I’ve always loved getting flamboyantly, outrageously incensed at corporations. You can be a huge blowhard, and really grumpy and self-righteous, without being a jerk. Because you’re not picking on a person. You’re picking on a company. It’s a chance to be dramatically expressive, and I relish it. If all goes according to plan, I might score a free night at a pretty nice hotel chain. Fingers crossed. I don’t understand why people fight when they’re playing professional sports. You’re being paid to do the thing you’re best at and that you love… Why the fieriness, guys?

I had a big day today. Traveling, by plane and by the NYPD, and I’m going to take a napparooni.